All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
