someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
