I smell stomach acid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
