1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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