i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
