Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
