Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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