I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
