I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
