Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
