I smell stomach acid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
