I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
