I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
