Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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