I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
