Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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