party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to calm my uterus...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
