I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
