Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
