Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
