you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
