he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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