when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
