I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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