The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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