the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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