i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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