Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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