and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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