my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize