I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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