there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
