she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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