Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
