you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
