She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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