Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
