Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
