I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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