just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My bed smells like the plague
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
