she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
