I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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