I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
