I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
