We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
