no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
