I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's the barista slut.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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