come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
