i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
