I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
