I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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