Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
