All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
