Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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