she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
