But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
