no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
