yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
