Jerry, you need to find god
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sober January is a disaster.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
