Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
