i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
