I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
