I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
