at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
